I’ts been awhile- I told you I suck at this consistency thing. I’ve been struggling, therefor, focusing on that and all the bad things associated. Why? It’s just causing the devil to get more and more control. I don’t want that! The guilt and shame I feel is so overwhelming, but God’s love and grace is so much more- I just need to accept it.
My OCD has gotten so bad- some of it I’ve used to my advantage (Hello timers and mile long to- do lists!) but another ritual is when I cut veggies/fruits, I’m not “allowed” to breath until it’s chopped.
Well, today I sliced my finger! I’m not good with blood and started to feel very faint at the sheer amount of blood. ahhh! It makes me weak just thinking about it.
So I haven’t had my period in ~5 years, and only had it like 2 times in my life. They put me on birth control to 1) help me gain weight [not working] and 2) to protect my bones. Anyway, I’m too embarrassed to buy tampons. I’m a 23 year old woman and too embarrassed to buy tampons.
Lord, help me.
The Lord is a provider- of truth, love, grace, forgiveness and mercy. Our brains can’t begin to comprehend him. So we gotta stop trying and just… let him hold us.